“Am I Good Enough to Be Here?”

Imposter syndrome can impact any of us, especially when we are stepping up a level, moving on to a new horse, or are selected to represent a team.
By: Debbie Elliot

We have all had those times when we just don’t think we’re worthy of being where we are at, whether that is in our equestrian endeavors, at work, or even in personal relationships.

That persistent feeling of self-doubt and being “not good enough” is called imposter syndrome. The term was first used by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978 to describe an “internal experience of intellectual phoniness” experienced by those with “outstanding academic and professional achievements,” according to the Harvard Kenneth C. Griffin Graduate School of Arts and Sciences website.

Ironically, it is often high-achieving, successful people who suffer from imposter syndrome as they set such high standards of perfectionism for themselves and see anything less as failure.

“In a sense, imposter syndrome is almost a byproduct of high achievement,” said Ashley Johnson, ALM, MS, a former 5* event rider and sports psychology professional. “Individuals who experience imposter syndrome often hold themselves to exceptionally high standards. They are highly motivated and self-aware, and always continually striving to improve.”

While these might sound like positive traits, they can sometimes create situations where individuals focus too much on perceived shortcomings. In addition, as riders improve, they become increasingly aware of what they don’t know. Internally, this can sometimes be misinterpreted as inadequacy, Johnson explained, while in reality it is a sign of growing expertise.

Imposter syndrome can emerge when you are thinking about moving up a level or taking that next big step, when you ask yourself, “Am I ready to be here?”

Channel Confidence

Imposter syndrome also goes hand in hand with confidence, Johnson explained. “One of the key factors of confidence is successful past performance — or on the flip side, unsuccessful past performance,” she said.

Unfortunately, poor performance often impacts us more deeply than successful performance. “A coach used to say to me, ‘Every time you jump a jump, you put a dollar in the bank. Every time you have a refusal, you take $100 out,’” Johnson recalled.

We are often told to look in the mirror and say affirmations about how good we are, but that isn’t enough when you also have your horse relying on you, she said. “You can say you are confident and ready, but if you don't have that partnership and that skill with the horse that you're riding, it's still not going to play out. You really have to have both mental confidence and physical skills,” she said.

From a psychological standpoint, sports can be separated into closed skill sports, such as golf where the athlete has a lot of control over what's going to happen, or open skill sports, like soccer, where it's very dynamic the whole time and you are always reacting to what’s happening on the field. Whereas equestrian sports are mostly a combination of the two.

“Dressage, for example, can be considered to be more akin to closed skill sports as you're given the test and movements ahead of time,” Johnson said. “On cross country, while you're given the course that weekend, it fluctuates from one phase to another and is more unpredictable, making this phase more like an open skill sport.”

Imposter syndrome can occur in both types. In closed skill sports, any minor mistake can feel deeply personal and make you think you are not as skilled as others. In open skilled sports, it can emerge from uncertainty or comparison. If you win, you might put it down to luck, your team, or your horse. If you perform badly, you may feel like you let them down, or that the outcome felt uncontrollable.

“In either case, overcoming imposter syndrome is similar to building confidence. It is a combination of having a strong mental skillset, and a strong technical skillset,” Johnson said. “When I coach students who have those skillsets but doubt themselves, I tell them, ‘If you are in the room, then you deserve to be in the room.’ You are not there by chance.”

Find a Support System

A key factor in overcoming imposter syndrome is finding a mentor or a support system, Johnson explained.

“Trusted individuals provide perspective, reminding athletes of what they are capable of. Sometimes this may just be a trusted friend or a supportive parent, who shows up and is present and happy to listen,” she said. “Other times this may be a coach, who has a deeper understanding of a rider’s skills and can offer technical guidance; or a performance psychology coach, who can help with mindset, pre-performance routines, and reframing.”

These people can act as emotional regulators who help riders stay grounded and confident, Johnson continued. “Sometimes having someone else believe that we are capable of something helps us be more confident in achieving our goals. Ideally, this support system comes from individuals who have both a shared understanding of the demands of the sport, and can also provide an honest mirror to the athlete,” she added.

While having a strong support network won’t eliminate self-doubt, it will help to keep things in perspective.

“We need to normalize these feelings,” Johnson said. “Horseback riders are all very competitive by nature, and we tend to challenge ourselves, but we also often question if we have the skill to do it, and we are worried about failure.”

Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

While we may put ourselves into situations where we are uncomfortable, we have to remind ourselves that equestrians are extremely resilient people. Instead of thinking that you shouldn’t be feeling uncomfortable, acknowledge that you will feel this way. “This is a normal emotion because you are testing yourself, pushing yourself to be better,” Johnson said.

Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is how you grow. Even top event riders are anxious before they go out onto the cross-country course, but they do it anyway as they know they have the skills and the mindset to succeed. Johnson noted that anxiety and excitement are physiologically very similar, so when we are preparing for something, our bodies naturally become more activated.

When Johnson first began eventing at an elite level, mental health and performance anxiety were not talked about wildly like they are today. “Now everybody talks about it, and it is more normalized,” she said. “Many 5* riders do specific workouts to become better riders; and they have coaches to become mentally stronger.”

Johnson revealed that throughout her journey as an upper-level rider, she has always had a thirst to learn about mental states. She recalled a time when she was preparing to progress to the 5* level and knew she was going to ride a course that was harder than anything she had done before — and with about 30,000 people watching her!

“I knew going in that I needed a really strong mindset. I don't know if it was imposter syndrome necessarily, but it was absolutely me saying, ‘I'm going to be overwhelmed if I'm not ready for this,’” she explained.

While preparing for the 4* event at Red Hills International,

before then heading to her first 5* at the Kentucky Three-Day Event, Johnson felt immense pressure to ride perfectly and started worrying that she wasn’t good enough. So, she called a fellow event rider and asked what she would do in her position and was told: “I would ride to the level that I thought was fun.”

Johnson decided not to ride cross country at Red Hills and then did a 3* at Poplar Place Horse Trials in Georgia. “I dropped back and I had fun ... and then I went to Kentucky,” she said.

Johnson also began talking with her off-the-track Thoroughbred, Tactical Maneuver (a.k.a Gucci), telling him that all the people there were rooting for him. “I created a Tinkerbell experience in my mind where the crowd was there to cheer us on and support us, and the more people clap, the brighter we would shine,” she said. “Every time I started to feel anxious and thought, ‘Are we ready for this?’ I would do mindful breathing and put myself into that Tinkerbell story.”

Partnership Pressure

Feeling like we are not good enough for our horse is a form of

imposter syndrome that is unique to equestrian sport. “As riders, we often feel deeply responsible to our horses, and rightfully so, as they do so much for us,” Johnson said. “In this situation, rather than focusing on the worry of being good enough, or that we might make a mistake and let our horse down, riders should focus on the concept of, ‘How can I show up in a way that supports my horse right now?’”

This kind of imposter syndrome can kick in when we’re stepping up to a more advanced horse after feeling comfortable with your former mount or have anxiety over being given someone else’s horse to ride. However, a mental reset will help athletes show up at their best, Johnson explained. She stresses the importance of cognitive reframing — when we take a scenario and find a way to describe it in words that allow for positive outcomes.

“This is a critical component of a growth mindset, which in turn is crucial for evolving as an athlete instead of becoming overwhelmed by pressure and perfectionism,” Johnson said. “Instead of saying, ‘I always crumble when the pressure is high,’ try telling yourself, ‘I am learning how to manage my emotions in high-pressure situations with the tools I have learned.’ The second way of looking at it allows the brain to find ways to shift patterns.”

While most aspects of equestrian sport involve only a partnership with our horse, there are some situations where you may compete on a team, such as Pony Club, IEA, collegiate teams, and at the far end of the spectrum, Olympic teams. It is natural to feel higher pressure and expectation in these situations because the visibility is higher, but Johnson reminds us that we should acknowledge these emotions rather than burying them.

“Remember you were chosen to be on that team for a reason,” she said. “Rather than thinking you don’t deserve a spot or you might let the team down, it is important to instead focus on contributing to the collective. This might mean making every effort to perform well in competition, but it also could mean supporting teammates, being composed under pressure, or being organized and reliable. Often times in team settings, the soft skills are just as important as the riding skills themselves,” she added.

We all question our abilities at certain times in our lives. Even the best athletes experience self-doubt, but they don’t let that emotion take away from their arsenal of highly developed skills. “Discomfort is part of pushing yourself to be your best,” Johnson concluded.

Photos: Shannon Brinkman, Nina Howie/IRH, US Equestrian