“My Disappointments and My Successes Were Also Hers”

Eventer Tamie Smith and her daughter, Kaylawna Smith-Cook, inspire each other even when riding in the same competition, and dream of one day being on a U.S. team together.

By Tamie Smith

When I had my daughter, Kaylawna, at age 19, I had no idea that my equestrian career would turn into what it ultimately did. Initially it was just me and Kaylawna ­— I was a single mom working a full-time job, going to school to get my degree, riding, and bringing her to the barn with me. I don’t necessarily feel like I even had a clue about what was transpiring at the time. I was in complete delusion! Horses were very much a saving grace for me and a place where I felt safety and sanity. Back then, I still had hopes and dreams of riding in the Olympic Games. Even though I have always had a ridiculous work ethic, at the time I was basically still a kid myself and had no idea of what that would entail.

I would pick Kaylawna up from daycare after school and we would drive out to the barn. She was in her stroller and would wait with whichever horse I was tacking up. I would then wheel her out to the arena and ride. Even though Kaylawna was at the barn with me all the time while she was growing up, I always wanted to make sure that I didn’t push riding on to her, as I never wanted to make her feel like she had to follow in my footsteps.

Fortunately, my horse family helped me get to where I am today. While I was raising Kaylawna, she would come with me to horse shows and everybody knew her as “Tamie’s kid.” She quickly made fast friends but was not super serious about riding at that age. She rode all throughout her youth on Pepper, a pony that I grew up riding. Pepper taught so many generations as my mom also learned how to ride on him. He was the perfect kind of the pony — 14.2 hands and as wide as he was tall! As soon as Kaylawna got to the barn, she would run up to Pepper and groom him. It was a very active training barn, and the people were mostly adult amateurs. Kaylawna convinced them that she needed help grooming and tacking up Pepper. If she could get somebody to help her, then she would ride. Whereas I was always of the mindset that if she couldn’t do it herself, then she couldn’t ride. For many years, I thought Kaylawna was the one that was tacking up Pepper, when in fact it was the entire community at the barn helping her!

Once I started training other people when Kaylawna was 12 or 13, she got more serious about riding. My niece developed a strong interest in horses, so Kaylawna started coming out to the barn with her and they later competed together. Kaylawna is such an athlete and has a natural talent. She didn’t have many formal lessons throughout her childhood until her late teens and just rode and watched until then, soaking everything in. While in high school, she played competitive sports like water polo, volleyball, and swimming, and was on the varsity teams so she didn’t ride much during that time. Then in January of her senior year, she announced that she wanted to go to Young Rider Championships, as it was her last chance as an 18 year old to qualify. I thought she was crazy! We didn’t have a horse, and she hadn’t ridden in four years. I thought she was set up for failure, but I said I’d support her. I had a client’s horse in my training program that was getting ready to move up to the Preliminary/two-star level, so we leased him for Kaylawna to ride. She qualified and made the team — and finished in the Top 10 overall, and was the only person on her team to finish the cross-country.

After that, I thought, “if she wants to do this then she has definitely got the attitude and the talent.” I was trying to spare her from the disappointments involved in high performance sport, but she wouldn’t let me. She’s got the grit, and she’s got the drive, there’s no stopping somebody like that because the heart wants what the heart wants.

I encouraged her to seek out work with a specialist, and she went to go work for Nicholia Clark, who is a high-performance dressage rider. Kaylawna worked for her for a few years and got to ride up through the Intermediate level in dressage, although she ultimately ended up coming back to eventing because she loved it so much. I told her that she had to start where everybody else does and didn’t give her any special privileges. She had to earn every bit of her place in the program. She rode young horses and was a working student for about five years. I found horses for her to ride to gain experience with until I felt like it was time for her to venture off onto a path where she could be on her own and produce her own horses.

It’s evolved into her now having her own program. It’s something I really pride myself in because I’ve watched her go from nothing to having such a strong group of young horses that she’s producing with a great level of support from the owners. That’s not easy to acquire in this sport, especially at the early stages of her career at age 28. We keep our horses at the same facility in Temecula, Calif., but she is very much a separate entity even though I mentor her and give her advice in terms of managing the training program and connecting her with the right kind of people. From the outside looking in, I’m sure it looks like all rainbows and fairy tales, but there is an element to this that has been quite challenging, as anybody would expect to be in business with your own child. She mostly gets her training from trainers who I ride with. I try to really stay separate and act as a supportive mother, more than her coach.

Kaylawna has been there every step of the way with me, my disappointments and my successes were also hers. I’ve been able to help her get to a better place sooner than I did because she’s learned from my trial and error. As anybody who’s followed my career knows, it hasn’t been easy! It’s been one hurdle after another, so she’s been able to see that. To watch her still have the desire and drive to do it knowing what she has potentially in store for her, I half think she needs her head examined! But I also admire it, resilience is a massive requirement in this sport, you have to know that it’s hard and there’s going to be challenges.

“Resilience is a massive requirement in this sport, you have to know that it’s hard and there’s going to be challenges.”

I get more nervous watching her compete than competing myself, as I want her to succeed so badly and never have to go through the hurt and turmoil that I did. The amount of emotions and nerves involved is extreme. We have already done many competitions competing against each other. It was hard at first, half because I was paying attention to what she was doing on course while I was on course. I’ve gotten used to it and now I’ve learned to compartmentalize, and make sure I am in my own headspace. I can’t control everything, I can provide her with the information, but ultimately, she’s going to learn when it’s her time.

My goal for the future is to be able to compete together at a five-star, and also, potentially on a U.S. team. I feel like that would be such a cool, history-making achievement. Overall, I see really big and exciting results in Kaylawna’s future and I’m hoping she achieves even more than I have so far.

"Watching My Mom Compete Inspired Me"

By Kaylawna Smith-Cook

I don’t think there was one specific moment when I decided I wanted to follow in my mom’s footsteps as an eventer. Growing up around the barn and watching my mom compete inspired me, and I knew from a young age that I wanted to compete, but it wasn’t until after high school that I chose to do this professionally. I saw firsthand the dedication, resilience, and passion it takes to succeed in this sport. Watching her highs and lows taught me so much about the reality of being an athlete and has given me a deep appreciation for the journey. My mom is an extraordinary person, both in and out of the horse world. I’ve witnessed her heartache, her successes, and everything in between. What’s stayed consistent is her drive to never give up. I’m so proud of her and grateful to learn from her every day.

The biggest lesson my mom taught me is to always remain a student of the sport. No matter what results you achieve, you should continue striving to be better every day and you are never above chores, cleaning stalls, grooming, etc. That mindset has stuck with me and shaped the way I approach everything I do.

The best thing about competing in the same sport as my mom is the uniqueness of our situation. I’ve always dreamed of being at the top of the sport alongside her, and I feel like that dream is getting closer every day. It’s incredibly special to share this journey with her. I don’t see it as competing against her as I think I’m my own biggest competitor. My focus is always on improving my own results and becoming better than I was in the last competition. My personal goal is to represent Team USA on senior teams. A shared goal with my mom is to be the first mother-daughter duo to compete in a five-star event together. I’d also love for us to be on a senior team for the U.S. someday — that would be an incredible milestone.

My daughter, Kennedi, is 4 years old and my dreams for her are simple. I want her to understand the meaning of family and to appreciate the people around her. I believe good morals and a simple, grounded mindset can take you far. Through our family, she’ll have incredible resources in so many areas, and I’m ready to support and guide her in whatever path she chooses to take.