The Thought of Change Was Petrifying

Show manager and announcer Andrew Ellis battled opioid addiction for 15 years after suffering a bad fall as a teenager.

By Andrew Ellis

I grew up in a horse family in North Carolina, where my mom, Effie, and stepdad, Nick, were both avid riders. Nick was actually a professional steeplechase jockey but then went back to school to get a doctorate and became a scientist. My sister, Sassy, and I both rode as juniors growing up. In 1984 when I was 14, I was riding with a trainer named Max Bonham in Camden, S.C., and a horse flipped over with me and fractured my femur. That led to years of ongoing medical problems stemming from the accident. By the time I was in my 30s, I’d had both hips replaced and had been on heavy painkillers for 15 years — which we know now is not a good thing. I was prescribed Oxycontin and Percocet and became addicted to them and also drank heavily. I took the opioids legally and had a standing prescription for them, but I don’t blame my doctors even though I know a lot of people have animosity towards the healthcare industry. I really feel like my doctors were trying to do the best thing for me, and that was to help me deal with my pain and to make me comfortable. They didn’t know the danger back then.

I was hooked on opiates from around 1995 to 2011, when my friend, Brad Charles, called me and said: “Your mom and I were talking, and basically, you need to go to rehab.” I was managing a horse show in Houston, Texas, at the time. Work had really taken off, and I was managing multiple shows but was spreading myself too thin and on the road for 46 weeks of the year ... I never slowed down. It was an easy world for my addiction to flourish and take over. Deep down I knew I had a problem, I just didn’t realize that it was as serious as it had become. When part of you is justifying the fact that what you’re taking is for a legitimate medical reason, it makes you blind to the effects of what’s going on.

I started to watch the walls crumble around me personally. My life was becoming out of control.

The thought of change was petrifying when you’ve lived your life a certain way for so long. My mom and Brad persuaded me to go to a rehab facility called Samaritan Colony in Rockingham, N.C., and they definitely saved my life. It was not glitz and glamour; it was a very humbling experience and I met a lot of great people there. Before I went to rehab, I had an awareness that I had a problem, but it was after the first day or two there that I was able to admit that I was an alcoholic and an addict. I am grateful to my mom for bringing me into the world, and for helping to save my life when I was 40 years old.

“After the first day or two in rehab, I was able to admit that I was an alcoholic and an addict.”

For the first year after I got sober, I just stayed grounded around North Carolina where my parents’ farm was. I took it easy and went to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings every day and immersed myself in the AA program. I also went back to school and studied to be a licensed substance abuse counselor at a local community college. I didn’t practice as a counselor but I wanted to educate myself on addiction, so I immersed myself in recovery for two years while I still worked for horse shows (but just not as many).

I have been sober for almost 15 years now, and the biggest challenge has been restructuring my lifestyle socially to be able to still have fun and co-exist with my friends who are not in recovery. If I’m at a horse show, I’ll go out to dinner with the judges and other horse show staff who don’t have alcohol or drug issues, but they do drink. I like to say that I have enough tools in my sobriety toolbox to exist in any situation. The skills I’ve acquired at rehab and going through AA and the 12 Steps have made me a much better human being and a much better employee. Horse shows can be quite a taxing environment and take a real emotional toll because there is a lot of pressure. Being in recovery makes it easier for me to cope with that as it requires a lot of self-examination and self-introspection. You get a lot more comfortable in your own shoes, and that translates into everyday life.

I knew my wife, Catherine, casually for many years from horse shows but we didn’t start dating until 2013. She’s only really known me as sober, which is probably a good thing. She’s a professional trainer and rider, and she doesn’t really drink, but she might have half a glass of wine here or there. I’m a big believer that it’s better for somebody in recovery to be with somebody who’s not in recovery. I’m truly blessed that I have her because she’s been tremendously supportive and understanding.

I’ve learned everything is about balance, so I pick and choose the horse shows I want to do. I still work a lot of shows — I do the in-gate at pretty much all the big indoor shows including the National Horse Show, the Pennsylvania National, and the Capital Challenge. I stay busy, but I don’t stay obsessively busy. You are on the road a lot in the horse show industry, and it was a carnival lifestyle for me for a long time. Now as life’s matured, I’ve been able to pick and choose what I do. I have been able to find AA meetings or 12 Step programs anywhere I’ve traveled in America and even in some countries outside of the U.S., or I’ll attend online meetings via Zoom.

Not a day goes by that I don’t talk to somebody in the horse show world who is in recovery or trying to get sober. I have been pretty vocal about my recovery on social media, so I have a lot of people calling to say they have a friend or know a rider who is struggling and asking if I’ll help them. I then try to work with them and reach out to talk every day. There is a really good community of sober people in the hunter world and we have our own informal group that involves a lot of text messaging back and forth and to support each other. This is such a unique industry, and we’re on the road so much, non-horse people don’t really understand the horse world and the challenges.

The struggles that horsemen and women go through and the pressures they face are so unique to our industry. Everyone who I’ve crossed paths with has been incredibly supportive of my sobriety and my journey. I’ve worked for horse show managers that have let me leave work early and go to an AA meeting because I was just at that place in my life where I needed to go. I try to be vocal about it because I feel like there’s such a stigma around addiction. The horse world is traditionally a place where people can struggle with mental health.

“Not a day goes by that I don’t talk to somebody in the horse show world that is in recovery or trying to get sober.”

We don’t slow down; we patch ourselves up and go on to the next show. The pressure is so great to just keep going; it is something that we need more awareness about. USHJA recently started offering affordable on-demand mental health services [all USEF members are eligible for three sessions with a licensed state-wide provider]. In the past, it was easier for people to take a pill to combat their anxiety or competition fears. People need to realize that there are natural and less debilitating ways to deal with their fears and problems.

During COVID, we started a Facebook group called “Jump Sober” and would host conference calls and Zoom meetings with people who were struggling. We don’t do as much with it anymore, but I’ll still post inspirational quotes and messages of encouragement. Now we have a very close-knit texting group of horse show people who are trainers, judges, and staff, and we all text each other regularly to check in. I was at a horse show recently where one of the judges is newly sober. He was having a tough day, so he called me on the radio to come over to the judge’s booth, and I sat with him for half an hour and just provided support. Then after the show, we had an hour meeting together. Sometimes you can’t make it to an AA meeting when you need to because you’re stuck at a horse show, but there’s a saying in recovery that “it only takes two people to make a meeting.”

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Nobody should be ashamed of addiction or alcoholism because it is a disease. There is no shame in taking that first step to ask for help; it is very brave of somebody to stand up and do that. I encourage people who are struggling to go to an AA, an NA [Narcotics Anonymous] or a 12-step meeting, or to find an addiction counselor. Reach out to someone you know in the horse world who is in recovery who can direct you to the right resources. People should be proud to take the steps to recover and to accept that they are not morally weak or bad, just addicted. I get a lot of joy from helping other people as one of the steps in AA is to carry the message to another alcoholic or addict and pay it forward.

October is National Substance Abuse Awareness Month. If you or someone you know has a problem with drugs or alcohol, please visit samhsa.gov for recovery resources and information. For information on USEF’s mental health resources for equestrians, please visit usef.org/membership/mental-health-resources.

Photos: Gary Knoll Photography